I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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