Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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