That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
