ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize