My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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