i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We left an ass print on the piano.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Panties = found
Randomize