We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
