omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
