Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
