Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish I only lived at night.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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