very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
