I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
