i need an iv and a liver transplant
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you win again, gameday.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
