Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
