i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
