apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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