So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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