I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
