i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
