So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
