Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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