apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
