Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
