Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
