On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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