Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
