I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
