Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
