So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
