Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
