Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
