Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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