Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
