I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
