omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize