yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
