my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
