Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
