You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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