For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
