I got chris browned last night
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
