I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
