mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
