apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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