How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize