census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
