i think my mom watched the whole time
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize