I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
