It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
