I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
