I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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