so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
