she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
