No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
