Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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