when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
