I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
