so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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