You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
