Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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