im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
