Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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